What do you think of this book/story?? would you publish it?

I mean, I know you're thirteen and all, but you can't improve if people sugar coat everything for you. It was pretty good, but you have very simple sentances that are extremely choppy. Don't be afraid to use a coma. Also, don't make every person you introduce beautiful. A doctor also wouldn't just say "you were d", they would discuss it with you and bring it to you gently, and every time there's dialogue you start a new paragraph. There could also be more description of the hospital, how you felt, etc. And you would most likely be more surprised to find out you were in a coma for two weeks. Sorry, but this could be really good if you just fixed some simple mistakes.